Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
