i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
