Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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