Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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