Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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