Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
