Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I AM VODKA MAN
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
