you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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