he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
