Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
