Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
