two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
