Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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