All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
