Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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