I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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