i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
