I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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