we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
