I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
