did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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