He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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