I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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