i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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