My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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