Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
