So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
