So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
