Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
