I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
