I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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