I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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