I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
