Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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