is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
