Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
