i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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