U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
