Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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