it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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