K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
