maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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