By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
