Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
