were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish you could order shots online.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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