You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
