does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
