I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My liver just had a heart attack.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
