Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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