I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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