tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
