just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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